Permanent Bruises

By: A Survivor*

May 20, 2017

My cuts have healed, some have scarred over, my bruises are gone as its been months. If only my mind would heal as quickly as my body did. Every time someone gets to close to me I flinch. Sometimes I randomly jump, and I stand at a distance from people and talk loudly. I want physical touch, but it’s hard unless I am having sex. It’s as if being in an abusive relationship programmed me to act oddly.

I wonder how long I am going to react this way?  My oddities drive me crazy.

I have trouble telling people how I really feel and I find myself getting sad for what seems like no reason. A smell, a sound, a word and I am back there. In hell-with the devil. Even the bruises that I covered up with baggy sweatshirts and coverup for so many years have healed, but the bruises people can’t see are the worst. My distrust of people. My nightmares, memories, and since acquired reactions are like permanent bruises.

*The writer’s name is not listed for safety reasons

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