My First Kiss (in 7 Years)

By: A Survivor*

May 20, 2017

In 2017, I was kissed for the first time since 2009. I felt like my stomach was doing flip-flops, and I couldn’t breathe. My whole world was spinning. For years, I thought I would never get to kiss anyone again, Let me back up, to seven years ago.

In 2009, I met a guy who saw in me exactly what he needed. Security. money, a place to stay and the ability to control me by sheer physical force. He moved into my home when I begged him not too. He forced me to sleep with him- I had never seen myself bleed that much. And then he started telling people we were together. He wouldn’t leave. Besides the very painful sex, he never had any contact with me. I wasn’t kissed, and he only held my hand when we were in public. I became a prisoner in plain sight of my family and friends and they never noticed.

For seven years, I went having no affection. I was duct taped, and tied up. I was hit and left bleeding curled up in a ball.

But I wasn’t kissed or held. He never did sleep in the same bed as me.

When he had friends on the couch I would sleep on the floor because he would make me. I asked for help, and people would tell me to leave, but I knew he would kill me.

It wasn’t until I decided I would rather take my chances and risk getting killed then continue to live the way I was living, did my path to freedom start. He punched me in the stomach, causing me to have internal bleeding, He pulled a gun on me and almost shot me while I was sleeping and he almost broke my neck.

He was eventually arrested and I was given a chance I never thought I would get.

All of a sudden I had a chance to have a relationship instead of confinement. And when I found it, I swear I had forgotten how good it felt, just to have affection. My first kiss in so long was exhilarating. I felt so lucky because I have a chance to be loved. I felt alive, for the first time in what seemed like a lifetime.

*The identity of the blogger has been kept private for safety reasons*

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